Monday, 4 February 2013

In Absentia (Snapshots from January)



History has shown that you can do a lot in forty days and nights. In contrast, my blogging absence seems to suggest that I’ve done nothing whatsoever of any significance in as long. But au contraire, readers, au contraire! I’ve not been stagnating in absentia. My January has been one of flurried busyness. 

Over the course of the last month, amidst everything else, I’ve snatched the odd bit of time here and there to shove some ill-formed sentences together but haven’t got round to editing the rubbish and posting anything. So, I’ll spare you a short novel’s worth of half-arsed mediocrity and instead share some relatively readable snippets (hopefully) which I’ve managed to separate out from the drivel.

SNOCD (20.01.13)

During the annual snow crisis in mid-January, we had a dump of the white stuff on school which should’ve been better than it was…

“Turns out, as well as the incompetency of printers, not receiving vital snow day texts also sends my blood pressure rocketing. I nearly committed harry carry on the way to school today because I slipped and slid up a snow laden road in an Arctic blizzard. During the final few harrowing minutes of the journey, I had to have balls of steel to keep the revs up to get over icy speed bumps on an uphill stretch, and then got to the untreated school car park to find it barren of people. I skidded around and ended up spending two hours making what should have been a ten minute journey home. Not cool.

After I got over the headache from that, I developed an OCD induced one. I’ve got this thing about how long I spend working, how long I should spend working, how long I need to spend working, how long I could spend working and get away with it, how long others spend working etc., and the problem with the snow day was that I didn’t know the rules for whether I needed to put the normal amount of hours in. So most of my day was spent calculating my hours and balancing it all up rather than taking advantage of the day and just getting on with it. What a ball ache."


The Annual Blowsoc/Mussoc Reunion 2013 (22.01.13)

The third weekend in January saw our annual university music reunion in Nottingham. It was most marvellous.

“We rekindled our inner students at the weekend by ingesting far too many fluorescent, sugar-laden alcopops and spent a disproportionate amount of time in Wetherspoons. LOVED it. We’re obviously not as young as we were though because we were a lot less accepting of how sticky the floor was in Ocean, Gangnam Style was merely tolerable (just) and Emily and I sought hangover relief in the Danish Homestore on Derby Road. I bought a leather siesta chair.”

Miasma of Doom (26.01.13)

We’ve been waiting for FOREVER for our visit from The Big O and it only went and finally happened… 

“I’d rather not detail the minutiae of the experience, but I would defo like to note the circumstances under which we had our visit from The Big O. The snow day had prevented me from taking home my marking backlog, I’d had an unusually work free weekend (was planning on kinda blagging it), I was still hanging from our drunken reunion in Nottingham, the snow was continuing to wreak havoc and The Boyfriend had just jetted off to the Falkland Islands for a week- boy did he time that to perfection! It would never have been the ideal time to receive The Call. However, we did receive it, we dealt with the accompanying miasma of doom, we tackled it head on, and... we survived! Hoorah!”



Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Festive Family Fun



L: I’ll roll. Right, if this is another difficult it’ll be unbelievable… Two. Difficult. Crap! All of ours have been difficult! Sorry Charlotte.

Ch: S’ok… Err, it’s quite hard but not too difficult.

B: Is it an all play?

Ch: Yeh.

B: Chris you’re up.

C: Oh yeh… Ok...

L: Wait for the timer, Chris. 

C: ERR have I drawn anything? No.

L: Wait, wait – it takes ages to run back down – wait… aaand… go! Ok... sea, waves, err… waves -  

M: Beach, shore… bay –

L: Cove –

Ch: YES! Cove!

C: What?! How the f*** did you get that? 

L: An excellent drawing.

C: Show us then. What is that?! Who would get cove from THAT? That is NOT cove.

L: Well obviously it is because we just got it.  We’re just on the same wave length aren’t we team?

B: Ok well, we let you get that. We’ll get the next one.

C: Yeh if they don’t cheat.

L: Right, Mum it’s your go.

M: Pass the dice then, Chris. Four. All play. Ok. Can do.

B: There’s no way we won’t get this, Chris.

L: Mum, you need to give him the card then.

M: Oops oh yeh.

C: Well that’s not fair because you’ve had extra thinking time now.

M: Oh shurrup.

B: Doesn’t matter, Chris - we’ve got this.

L: Don’t draw anything until the timer’s ready…  aaannd… wait… go! Err – 

Ch: House, home – 

L: Garden, two houses, umm... garden – 

C: Garages, parking space, space, err... parking lot?! Err, park - 

L: Garden, field - 

M: Mm, mm –

C: Mum stop making noises. 

M: I’m not!

B: Focus Chris!

L: Garden, space, empty space, plot of land – 

Ch: Land for sale, plot – 

M: Mm - 

C: Stop communicating!

L: Plot, vacant plot –

M: Yes! Vacant plot.

C: Vacant plot?! You were blatantly cheating!!


And so it continued until the girls won. And that is why Dad refuses to play Pictionary.

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Festive Feeling Action Plan



Sitting at home feeling sick is PANTS. I’m currently laid-up on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself.  I’m tucked under a duvet cover, massively regretting the miserly bowl of cereals I just attempted and wondering just how long this bug is planning on taking up residence in my stomach. Lovely.

In contrast, right now at school everybody will be enjoying one of the highlights of the year - the much anticipated annual school talent show. The hall will be erupting in cheers and laughter and the kids will be being whipped into an excitable frenzy. And it won’t be long before the renowned teachers’ piece. 

Last year we performed a rap and this year we have made a film of us misbehaving around school. Clambering onto the top of one of the lunch trollies and hurtling down the corridor at full speed was my best bit, especially because a mere 24 hours before, I’d walked that corridor on my best behaviour with an inspector, whose judgement showed she held us in a very high regard don’t you know. The controlled professionalism of the previous day somehow enhanced the excitement of the rebellion and a wonderful juxtaposition ensued… 

Anyway, the film will go down a storm and I hate that I’m missing it. 

I hadn’t realised how much school contributes to my feeling of festive cheer.  Despite the fact that I’ve been staring at our delightfully adorned Christmas tree for the past three days, I feel distinctly lacking in that fuzzy, festive feeling.  The Christmas build up is important.  Posting a photo of my favourite bauble on Facebook didn’t cut the mustard. Perhaps I need some form of Festive Feeling Action Plan to remedy the situation (which obviously shows that I have definitely been struck down with some form of bizarre school withdrawal thing too).

Festive Feeling Action Plan

  1. Switch over to Classic FM
  2. Buy a John Rutter Christmas album and put it on repeat
  3. Delight in the descant line to Hark the Herald Angels Sing
  4. Head home to see the fam
  5. Eat an unnecessary amount of Lindt*
  6. Eat an unnecessary amount of dry roasted peanuts*
  7. Eat an unnecessary amount of cheese*
  8. Watch The Holiday
  9. Watch The Nativity
  10. Start quoting Elf  

*Dependent on stomach resuming normal service

Hopefully that should do it...